Despite all the evidence my friends and family tell me to the contrary, actual proof that the world is slowly fucking over is far more convincing. Katrina this year, all the hurricanes last year; the tsunami in SE Asia; the recent earthquake in India, Pakistan, and Afghanistan that, according to Yahoo! on Saturday, Oct. 8, has so far killed 18,000 people. I think one of the reasons why I have yet to read the book of Revelations is because I would slit my wrist shortly after finishing it. I would be too fucking paranoid. Global warming is fucking scary, as are the possible ice ages that could ensue from the Yellowstone volcano blowing its absolutely gigantic top. And hey, if all else fails, the world will end on my birthday in seven years, according to the Mayans. I've had a really bad couple of weeks, and I started out yesterday as a really good day. And as I got closer to coming home and playing my games, I got more depressed. Today with Jo was really fun, but now I'm at Darlene's and I'm crying. She's on the phone with, I guess, Sam, and the movie we're watching, Chasing Amy, is paused. I'm so depressed right now. Like, suddenly, Bush's fuck-ups, and my happiness, and me wanting a boyfriend don't matter anymore. I don't want to die. I don't want to stop existing, and I don't want to see this destruction all around me that will only get worse. And I wish that I could be better about my spirituality, because then I wouldn't be so scared...but, despite my best efforts, I can't assure myself a place in heaven, if one even exists. Human nature isn't so nice and happy, either. As I'm watching this movie, I'm realizing the significance that the paradox of love brings: that although you believe yourself to be selfless when the other is involved, you are being the most selfish possible, by asking your love to change his or her lifestyle, etc. Mom thinks that my video games just aren't enjoyable anymore; maybe that's because my problems are becoming too much for me to ignore and push aside while I press the X button for hours on end. I just want to run and scream and not stop until it's all fixed, it's all better, and there's nothing more to worry about.